I find four of Pentacles, traditionally a card that means selfishness, to be one of the most “talky” cards in my deck. I see this card as withholding, attachment, and sometimes the expression of one's ego.
What are you withholding from your parents that needs to be said? Withholding the pain only prolonges your suffering and creates distance in the relationship you have with your parents. You are their lesson; not talking about it to maintain the peace with them is keeping them from their own spiritual growth.
Withholding your story keeps you from what you need to do to move on; to release that story into the sky. Clutching that pain to your chest, replaying the story in your head over and over, does not honor you and does not honor the true pain you feel. Write a short story about it, a poem, a piece of art, knit a hat of abandonment—however and in whatever way is your particular gift of creation create something new that expresses what happened, how you felt and then let that baby out into the world so that it can become something new. The only way we get over any pain is to release it.
4 of Pentacles is asking you to stop clutching at your hurt; that little wing truly is healed and maybe a little less straight but is strong. Stop favoring it and let it do its job to support you. Allow the story to be free and stand in power in the emptiness of that space.
You are also called to speak your truth as this withholding is a type of greed, you are so hungry for your parents affection now that you dare not rock the boat. This is not authentic to you or them.
Invite them out to dinner, tell your story, look into their eyes and share the impact of what you went through. Do not hold desperately onto their reaction for their reaction is not yours, it is theirs. Release your truth and let it land and impact where it must without attachment.
When we let go (of attachment, of outcomes, or other people’s reactions) we lift our heads, we look up and out and we see the beautiful sun peaking above the horizon to the start of a new day.
Blessings dear one and Godspeed on your incredible new chapter.
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M.S. in Organizational Psychology and Leadership