Today's Healing deck pull is the card of Boundaries.
I find that most interpersonal challenges often have an issue of boundaries; either we are not respecting others' boundaries or they are not respecting ours. Often and especially with loved ones, we inadvertently reinforce that it is ok to trample our personal boundaries because we do not reinforce our sense of space, because we have been taught that to reinforce our boundaries may mean we do not love.
With sons, with lovers, with close friends and with Mothers we often allow others to treat us in a way that does not honor the relationship. We give more than we really have and we feel hurt when the giving is not honored in return.
It can be so hard to say, "The word no has nothing to do with how much I love you. These are separate things." Especially when the other party will take the no personally; will cry and rail and be mean or stonewall it can be so hard. But these difficult moments have to be undertaken in order to shore up our own reserves especially if the person is crossing boundaries. Otherwise we become lost to who we are.
Alternatively, we need to respect the boundaries of others even when they are doing something dumb, dangerous or difficult. We can say our piece, give our love, and let go knowing that letting go is a radical act of love, knowing we cannot truly change anyone, knowing that we can guide but after that we release.
So for today, I want you to think about your own boundaries. Who is crossing the line? What do you need to do about it? Whose line might you be crossing and how do you rectify it?
Others have crossed my boundaries for years. No more! Its hard to say "no" but I realize now that it's myself whom I have to love first in order to be kind to others.I have to be aware and respect my own boundaries. And don't fall in the traps of putting up stone walls. :D
10/9/2013 04:56:16 pm
Ellen, I think reinforcing boundaries can be some of the most difficult things we can do and can really rattle firm relationships as we reestablish our sense of space from the other. Sometimes we can over-compensate going the whole other way in response, I too, have been guilty of that! Thanks for commenting :)
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M.S. in Organizational Psychology and Leadership